Well, this is my 29th entry in this blog and so I therefore feel that I have been writing long enough to share with my loyal readers my secret shame movies, well it’s that or I’m still waiting for all the films considered for the awards season to be released in the United Kingdom. There are those films I love but as a film studies graduate should, technically, not like. I’m no movie snob, I love an action blockbuster like everyone but there are some films that I have loved that I would not be forgiven by film academia for. Everyone has their own secret shames. So ashamed of relinquishing what they are they can hide the DVD under their bed or trash the film in front of others while talking about it and here are mine, my secret shame movies:
I begin with a Michael Bay films which is an immediate no no for a lot of critics. People sometimes don’t watch his movies before berating him, as he has become the poster boy for non-intellectual and vacuous cinema over the last fifteen years. His films are often cited as being too loud, boisterous, attention seeking and ultimately corny to be regarded with any credibility. However, I have seen Armageddon more times than I can care to mention. Although critics have had much scorn for it since its release I still bond with the relatable characters, loving the heart rendering performances whilst emoting with the story every step of the way until the poignant ending.
I love Aerosmith’s ‘Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing’, I love the schmaltzy relationship between Affleck and Tyler and I love Steve Buscemi being a pervert that predated Quagmire. I feel the pain that the crew feels when their colleagues perish at the hands of the journey to destroy the asteroid and become encapsulated by everything that is happening on the screen in front of me that I cannot stand to interrupt it. Willis shows why he is a great lead and the sometimes over the top dialogue seems believable despite its delivery (“This is one order you shouldn’t follow and you fucking know it!” and “He’s got Space Dementia” come to mind). Although the critics may have had a field day with Michael Bay for this, I happened to love it and it will always be one of those Blockbusters that I will never get tired of.
Muppets From Space:
The film they said killed the Muppet franchise before Jason Segel came along and resurrected it from the depths of the odd YouTube video, did not, in my opinion; commit the heinous act of killing the Muppet name in the first place. It was heavily criticised, like the ill fated Muppets Tonight that predated it by a few years. This being so, I thought the things people were sighting with being its weaknesses were its strengths. The story with Gonzo realising he’s from an alien world was a great insight into the character. Sure, it wasn’t in keeping with the format of the Muppet Show but after 125 episodes its nice having something a little different that isn’t a literary adaptation. The fact that this plot was used showed that Brian Henson and the team could take an original idea and make it work. It was also hilarious with the opening ‘Brick House’ routine being one of the best musical numbers from the Muppets to date. The celebrity appearances are also wonderful with George Bluth Snr himself Jeffrey Tambor stealing the show as the film’s villain and David Arquette and Ray Liotta hamming it up nicely.
One from my childhood here. Makes little to no sense. Has a plot thinner weaker than vending machine tea and has some of the most weird and baffling characters in film history but it just gets me. I don’t know why, I wish I did. Shouldn’t I be talking about the prestige of Citizen Kane or the depth of 2001 instead of celebrating this brightly coloured, saccharine infused craziness? Is it my loyalty to the 90s show Kenan and Kel? Is it the uplifting nature of the film? Is it its simplicity and sheer brilliance? I mean if we were studying this academically it encapsulates all the elements needed to make a great film according to unwritten laws of the cinema. I don’t know why but I love it and can watch it every single time it comes onto my television. Which, sadly, is not enough.
I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I was a kid when I first saw it or maybe it’s because it’s just hilarious. Although Val Kilmer isn’t a memorable Batman and Nolan’s Dark Knight franchise buried much of what was the previous films there is still a lot of fun to be had. And isn’t that what the original, Adam West Batman series was about. It was camp and silly but there were stories and fun. It doesn’t all have to be darkness and death and mirroring modern day America to be a good Batman film. Maybe, its watching the films done so differently that endeared me back to Batman Forever because it is so different. And while I absolutely love the Nolan flicks, Forever just does something for me too. Jim Carrey as The Riddler is dangerous and hilarious and he bounces around the screen, and as Nolan rejected the idea of The Riddler in his trilogy, this is how the character is still fundamentally seen and Carrey does a decent job of it. Tommy Lee Jones is another funny, camp villain as Two Face but seeing them work together just takes me back to my childhood. Now, I know this predated the disgrace that was Batman and Robin. ‘The Worst Film Ever’. But there wasn’t too much wrong with this one and I could watch it right now and still enjoy it for what is it.
Freddy Got Fingered
Voted the 23rd worst film ever according to an Empire Magazine Poll and rated 4.2 on IMDB. There is so much wrong with this film, it’s sick, infantile, desperate and vain. Then why do I find it so funny. Why do I find Tom Green roaming about like an idiot and Rip Torn getting angry at him hilarious? Why do I laugh at this? If you are proud of your secret shames they wouldn’t be secret shames but I am always disappointed as myself when I find myself laughing at Green putting too much cheese on a sandwich and playing the sauasage organ. As Rip Torn gets furious and then you see how he acts in real life, robbing banks, thinking they’re his home. I should hate this film but its genius in a weird, stupid, idiotic way and I look forward to seeing it in the TV schedules.
Epic Movie/Meet the Spartans/ Superhero Movie, etc...
Just kidding, the people who make these kinds of movies should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves and get some new careers lest they poison society to the point of total obliteration. Lazy, badly written with a load of pop culture references unsubtly rammed down your throat, if you find any of this stuff funny, you are probably on medication, or require it.
So there you have it, my shames that are not so secret anymore. Please don’t lose any respect or me as a blog writer or critic. Everybody has their shames and they are entitiled to them. It just shows how wonderfully subjective the gift of film is and how everyone’s opinion can differ. Although in these cases most opinion differed in the negative category.